Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
