I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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