I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
