Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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