you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
