mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
