Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
