Sponge bath it is.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It was like getting head from an anaconda
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
