i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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