genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
