Moan for me like Helen Keller
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
