I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
