Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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