for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
