Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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