So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize