just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
