you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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