you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
