two words: eviction party
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
