I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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