This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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