also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
