My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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