When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I booty called her while she was in labor.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
