yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
