Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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