that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
