please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
