An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize