yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
