So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
