I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I need to stop coming to work sober
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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