Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
