I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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