Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
