Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
