brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize