You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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