This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
