It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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