I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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