This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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