sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
