I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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