Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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