At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
