She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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