it was like eating out sand paper
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
