I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
