recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
