Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
