Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize