I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
