Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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