So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
