Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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