i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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