hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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