Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
