I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
