4 words: hood of his car
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
