hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
