Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
