I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
