yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
