why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
