I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
organizing the empties. That sober.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
