Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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