pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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